Mahavegavati's two letters to Bhakti Tirtha

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Mahavegavati dasi - ACBSP
Mahavegavati dasi
disciple of Prabhupada
Godsister of BTSwami

Date: Tue, 25 Jan 2005 10:08:02 -0800 (PST)
From: "Mahavegavati Dasi (ACBSP)" <mvvd1@yahoo.com>
Subject: Next to last email (A) to you: Jan 25
To: btswami@ifast.net, Bhakti-tirtha.Swami@pamho.net

Dear Godbrother, Bhaktitirtha,
Hare Krsna. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

I'm sending two emails two you: This one is the longer one. The next one is shorter (below), and can be considered (I suppose), a "summary."

Of course I hoping you'll read them, but even if you don't, at least I've said what needs to be said, and NO ONE can ever accuse me of my NOT having tried ALL avenues (progressing from the loving and gentle, to the more "heavy-handed") in trying to reach you, in ATTEMPTS to get you to do what a REAL Vaisnava would have done YEARS ago; resolve what you did to me all these years. Given the bodily situation Krsna has put you in, I'm hoping you can now do the necessary to clear my name of the lies you've put on it throughout all of these years, especially considering the sastric verses and the many years of faithful and surrendered service I rendered while serving under you. Unless you do NOT believe the sastras, or THINK that chanting Hare Krsna frees you from the atrocities you committed, I would think you should KNOW the implications of your silence in this regard. Thus, before either of us leaves the planet (as I was given my death "sentence" many times, including many years ago (as you WELL know) - but somehow I'm still around and breathing although not too well), it's high time you resolve this. Out of duty I'm writing you this email despite my not really wanting to write to you based on past experiences and what you've done to me over the years, both while I was serving under you, and in your subsequent denial and coverup for your actions. I'm writing you because I'm feeling Srila Prabhupada wants me to do this. Whether you read/don't read it, respond or don't respond, at least I've said what needs to be said.

You know the MANY times I've tried to approach you directly to speak with you, but you would not speak with me. (And at that time I didn't have the guts, or whatever, to bring up the things I'm going to say now.) I even tried to speak to you (the little things) via the appropriate channels set up by the GBC for address, but between your dishonesty and their desire for their channels to NOT be effective - their setting something up in name only and NOT wanting it to function according to the specifically designated purposes - this also proved to be useless. So I've never in all these years been able to address things with you. I now see it as Krsna's arrangement because all these years before, I was not properly prepared to do so. What do I mean by this? That between my being too meek and afraid, as well as being possessed of such FOOLISH sentimentality (my seeing you with such a sense of sisterly love despite the HORRENDOUS things you had done, and my not wanting to get you into any trouble by revealing to anyone what you had done, INCLUDING bringing out in public your arranging Hladini prabhu's murder), I was not able to address things as they should have been addressed. I was also very much blocked, "fogged over," due to the severe effects from the traumatization I sustained while serving under you and what you did afterwards in your desires to keep your "skeletons hidden in a closet." I was also a victim of ISKCON's leaders WARPED, TWISTED MISapplications/ false indoctrinations of the sastric injunctions concerning Vaisnava ettiquete; that one should have the utmost respect and submission to (and never to question) so-called sannyasis, GBCs, gurus, and someone who was considered a "superior." Certainly when someone IS living as an aspiring Vaisnava, and is NOT deviating in a horrific way, these injunctions are to, and must be applied. But they can NOT be applied to those acting in such PERVERSE ways as you've done which are *********. Thus, between all of the above, I would not have been able to say to you then the things which should have been said, which I am now, at this point, able to say.

When one of our Godsisters informed me that you had cancer and sent me the email you had made public, she suggested I write to you, so I got your email address and finally was able to force myself to write you the email I did. I didn't want to write to you, but I made myself do it. I wrote to you then as I'm doing now; feeling it was my duty to write you, that Srila Prabhupada wanted me to TRY to reach (out) to you; to say what should be said to you before either of us died and there would never be any other chance to say or address anything ever again (and possibly even get a resolve) concerning what's happened because of your dishonesty, politics, lies and manipulations. This resolution can ONLY come from you IF you would become honest enough to clear my name to the devotees of the lies you brought to it. I don't know whether you did/did not read that email since I did not get any response from you, but received only this "response" from Vrajalila below:

Bhakti Thirtha Swami aka John Favours, aka Ghanasyama, aka Swami Krsnapada
Bhakti Tirtha Swami
aka John Favours
BTS - Swami
BT-Swami

Subject: RE: Hare Krsna
Date: Sat, 30 Oct 2004 23:36:09 -0400
From: "Bhakti-Tirtha Swami" btswami@ifast.net
To: "Mahavegavati Dasi (ACBSP)" <mvvd1@yahoo.com>

Dear Mahavegavati Prabhu,
Please accept my most humble obeisances All glories to ISKCON Founder Acharya Srila Prabhupada.
Maharaja did read your letter and he thank you for thinking about him. At this time he is not answering emails.
Your aspiring servant
With love, Vrajalila

Mahavegavati: If you did read the email I sent you, and this was the (so-called) "response" to it, it only served to prove your being possessed of the SAME (sick) consciousness from when I knew and served under you all those years, and what has remained consistant in your consciousness all these subsequent years, (which seems to be the case from the emails you send and make public to the devotees, at least from the emails some devotees have sent to me).

I was hoping that maybe you might be getting some glimpses of light with this cancer having come to you, but sadly, it seems that so far this has not happened. If I had written to you one of those "good" emails, the type you like, where your false ego is flattered and you're being glorified as some "supersaint," etc., I'm sure you would have written back to me. Instead I wrote you honestly, and from the heart, expressing both the love, the pain, and addressing some of the things that should be addressed which a Vaisnava would WANT to address, ESPECIALLY when they may be leaving the planet, and would WANT to clear (clean) up things that NEED to be cleaned (cleared) up, so they can feel assured there will be no reactions to any possible offenses they have (or) may have made.

A real friend is NOT a pretender, but rather honest, and I've always been honest with you, all the years I've known you, although all those years I did NOT have it in me to question you concerning your horrific atrocities.. My beginning to question them started to come in 2000, when I posted as I did on VNN, my doing so because you would NOT accept or respond to ANY other attempt (sanctioned by our Vaisnava "balance" system; Guru, Sadhu, Sastra). Thus, I tried through VNN, the devotee "community" - which IS sastric, as given in the example in CC Madhya lila 5 with the two brahmanas, the younger one stating to the community what had happened - with hopes that you MIGHT respond as a real Vaisnava would. (Even there I did NOT tell the really heavy things, because I didn't want to cause you too much embarrassment, although these things SHOULD have been said.) Rather than using that opportunity to contact me to try to honestly address things, you again (as had been done by you in other previous attempts, even in speaking in the presence of the Deities), exhibited your (usual) "colors" as the DIShonest politician and liar that you still are.

I made myself send you that email out of compassion. I didn't want to take the time to write it (or to write to you) because of so many reasons. But I felt it was my duty to do so, to give you one last chance, my thinking that due to your bodily situation, you would be intelligent enough to see it as a signal that you could possibly be leaving the planet, and that you MIGHT consider doing what a Vaisnava would see as being the needful, (and would do) if s/he was in your situation. But you failed another opportunity given to you, and continued in your denial and pretention. For me in my consideration it was my last attempt to try to reach (out) to you. I just figured there was nothing else I could do to try to help you become honest and do what a real Vaisnava would do in such a situation.

Since that time, some more devotees have sent me more of your emails, (a few good biology lessons contained in them, although I got grossed out with some of what was written. And I might add the "coincidentiality" of the fact of your mentioning the lymph nodes of your groin.) Besides reading some parts of themm along with other factors, and then my receiving a telephone call from one devotee in Gita Nagari, which for some reason caused a SUPER INTENSE (boltlike) "hit" of clarity to come to me, I've again decided to take the time now to write these two emails to you since the reality of who you are and what you did has been hitting me harder every day, and it has not become FULLY CLEAR, and if I don't say it to you while both you and I are alive, I will never be able to say it. In fact, I feel it's Krsna Who's PRESSING me to write to you because in and of myself, I had considered that last (one and only) email I wrote to you to be my final attempt to try to help you help yourself do what you KNOW you should be doing.

Although I (still) feel compassion (very sorry) for you, I've NOW come to the point where I can stop making all the excuses for you that I've been making for all those years I was serving under you, and afterwards; that I can NOW clearly say to you what should be said.

There is no need for me to lengthen this email by going over the specifics of what you did to me all the years I served under you with your dishonesty, lies, deceitfulness, politics, manipulations, controlling over techniques, thievery, etc. - we both know it (only too) well, and besides, it would FILL a whole book - and what you did afterwards in your endeavors to keep me away from the devotees in your fear I might tell them about your improprieties including what happened between you and Hladini, and her subsequent murder. Although you're SO EXPERT at hiding your REAL mentality and character from (and fool) others, Krsna KNOWS the facts, including the fact that you're still possessed of the same mentality. You've always been, and still are so expert at pretending to be rightous, your evil so disguised that it APPEARS to be "good," and with your cleverness and deceitful tactics, you make people THINK you to be "saintly," but you're wicked at heart and Krsna sees the truth. You may fool most of the devotees, but Krsna KNOWS the facts, and He can NOT be fooled.

All these years you've been feeling such a sense of fear of me, which is your reason for pushing me out of ISKCON, because you know how well I know you, as well as what you're hiding. Besides what you directly did to me the so many years I served under you, (my ALWAYS tolerating, forgiving your ATROCITIES - some of which ALMOST got me killed - my being FULLY surrendered to you, and continuing SUBMISSIVELY in my service under you - what a HUGE MISTAKE that was I made ALL those years), your greatest fear was that I might POSSIBLY tell someone about what happened between you and Hladini prabhu, the reason you sent her to Liberia and why she ended up getting murdered. Thus, because of this, you pushed me out of ISKCON, and have been doing to me all these years what you've been doing since I made it out of Africa. (Don't you think it's about time you CLEAR my name of YOUR LIES? and free me from their effects?) It was YOUR INSISTANCE I continue traveling with both you and Hladini, DESPITE my asking you SO MANY times to be released from your order that I remain traveling with the two of you. Because of YOUR ORDER that I REMAIN with the two of you, I was FORCED into being subjected to what was going on between the two of you. I was FORCED into having to deal with BOTH of you separately coming to me and confiding in me, each of you putting the blame on the other person as being the cause of the problem, my being forced to have to try to deal with the INsanity of it all, - as if I had "wanted" such a situation to have to be a "part" of - and my being put into the position of having to TRY to figure out what was really going on, (meaning, WHO it was who was the cause of the problem, who was lying and who was telling me the truth).

And, while we're at it, it did NOT disturb me that you were having such problems in your sannyas, although out of CONCERN for ANY of my Godsiblings, especially on in the sannyas order, I would feel a LOVING CONCERN if he was having problems in his maintenance of his sannyas vows. (So by the word "disturb," I do NOT mean it in terms of feeling any sense of criticicism since I realize that Maya is so strong, and She can affect even advanced devotees, what to speak of small people like you, me, and others. Thus, if some devotee is having a problem in their sannyas, I will NOT condemn them for it. I feel it's between them, Guru and Krsna, and (of course) if someone is coming to me asking for my assistance, certainly I will try my best to help them.) So there was never any need for you to have such a fear of my knowing. and that I MIGHT "tell" someone. The ONLY reason I ended up ever saying anything was because of what you were doing/did to me when I got back to US, and the effects I was being FORCED to suffer from them.

Getting back to you and Hladini prabhu: BOTH of you were (according to what you both were telling me) VERY DISGUSTED with one another. Both of you were coming to me separately, neither of you knowing the other person was coming to me as well. Hladini told me that she wanted "to get away" from you, "as far as possible." According to her, you were TERRORIZING her! She felt COMPLETELY TERRORIZED by you and wanted to get away from you. Although at that time the whole thing was so confusing (for lack of a better word, besides INsane), and I wasn't able to discern who it was creating the problem, (since both of you had your story, and were putting the blame on the other person), I now believe Hladini's story more than what you were telling me, since you've PROVED yourself MANY times over and over again and again to be an inveterate liar, politician, etc., right up to this very day.

As far as I am concerned, you are a SICK man, NOT just with cancer, but psychologically, (including things that YOU DIRECTLY TOLD me), and your sickness is VERY DEEP rooted!!! (Dare I ask over over WHERE - since you tell devotees and other people - you "are a king?" In Africa? You KNOW you can NOT be "made" king, but that it's an INHERITED position. And dare we go into HOW you "got" your chieftiancy? Dare I go on and on about your other garbage? Do you remember your calling me to your room in the Lagos temple and telling me about your "astrological chart?," how YOU TOLD me it "said" you "were as great as Srila Prabhupada" and that you "would accomplish MORE than what Srila Prabhupada had accomplished"? Do you ALSO remember on a DIFFERENT occasion (in Warri), YOUR TELLING me that YOU "are to be THE 'next acarya' of ISKCON"? And do you remember your ALSO TELLING ME (on ANOTHER occasion) that "Lord Caitanya 'had COMMISSIONED' YOU, "to be 'the COMMANDER IN CHIEF' of the 33 million demigods" - YOU SAID "33 million" but you did NOT realize there are actually 330 million. Your EXACT words were, "Lord Caitanya has commissioned me to be the commander in chief of the 33 million demigods, to organize them for His sankirtan movement." (Remember you TOLD ME THIS IN WARRI? And I was so simple - stupid? - that whatever you told me, there were NO "alarm bells" that "went off." I simply just "took it all in," since that was (and still is) simply a part of my nature to be THAT simple/stupid.)

How can I forget when you called both Hladini prabhu and me into your room telling us you were sending us to Liberia, your knowing fully well the details of the HORRIFIC coup going on there, (knowing that neither of us knew anything about it), as well as your knowing HOW LIKELY - VERY SURE chances - we (as white women) could (and WOULD) get killed in such a situation (ESPECIALLY with YOUR hand being behind such an arrangement). How "convenient" (for YOU) that BOTH of us should get killed in such a situation, the knowers of YOUR falldown gone, (killed) and a coup to "blame" our deaths on; thus, who would ever tie in any responsibility to you for our deaths? (I also remember very well the letter you wrote to Hladini's parents, your sending a copy of it to all of the ISKCON temples, (conveniently) absolving yourself from any and all responsibility for her death there.)

I told you I wouldn't go and said I would go on to India as had been previously arranged and agreed upon, Radhanath Swami expecting my coming since you had already told him one month before that you sanctioned my going to serve under him, and that you would be sending me "soon." So we both knew that Radhanath Maharaj was EXPECTING me. Thus, when you told me I "was to go to Liberia," I said I wouldn't go; my FIRST refusal ever to follow any of your instructions. Besides the fact that you already told Radhanath Maharaj that you were sending me and he was expecting me to come, I was also (SO) fed up of your so many years of dishonesty, lies, politics, duplicity, power over and controlling over tactics, your deceitfulness, thievery and the rest of your garbage and HORRORS!!! You "grew" me like a mushroom, keeping me in the dark, and feeding me (with your) garbage, PLUS, your making sure I did NOT get ANY of the letters and/or packages devotees and even other people to whom I had preached to over the years were sending to me, including their giving such letters and packages directly to you to give to me, your NEVER giving ANY of these things to me. (I found this all out when I came back to the US.)

When I refused to go to Liberia, you TRIED to have me killed in Nigeria. You took my passport and laksmi and left me in the (illegal) immigration situation you did, but by Krsna's - I believe it was Srila Prabhupada's - mercy, I was (finally) able to get out and make it back to the US. It was here in the US you tried to (and successfully did) "kill" me in another way; character assassination, your telling devotees I "was crazy due to the head injuries she sustained in Africa," along with the other lies you tack on.

You wrote in Yamuna's book, "Legacy of Love," "Hladini Devi Dasi is one of the biggest secrets in ISKCON." Your words are so true. They have more meaning than most devotees will ever know/find out, because it is YOU who have PURPOSELY made things secret. It is YOU who has PURPOSELY HIDDEN the truth. It is YOU who MADE SURE that NO ONE should find out the (real) reasons, the whys/hows, etc., for her death, and what led up to YOUR PURPOSEFUL THOUGHT OUT/WELL PLANNED decision to send her and her being sent to Liberia, when you KNEW there was a TERRIBLE coup going on there.) So yes, this SECRET (of YOURS) will NOT be known. Even you KNOW that some of the details Yamuna wrote in her book, (both before Hladini's going to Liberia, and afterwards, including the details concerning Hladini's death), are WRONG, but since it helps to keep the truth covered up and serves to provide "evidence" to keep covered those secrets you do not want known, this is to your advantage so you've allowed for these wrong details to be written in despite your knowing the real details to be somewhat different, because they serve YOUR objective in helping to keep the truth covered up as to why Hladini was PURPOSELY sent to Liberia to go to her death there.

So many HORRIFIC things you've personally done to me ALL the years I was serving under you in Africa. (We BOTH know the times that while serving under you, I almost ended up getting killed, sometimes due to your (stupid) MISmanagement mistakes, and at other times your out and out VICIOUSNESS and/or INsanity.) You spiritually "RAPED" me then, and since I got back to the US, I'm STILL being made to sustain the results of YOUR improprieties, lies, etc., because you can't be humble enough to be honest, including with yourself, to admit to your frailties. Because of YOUR FEAR that I MIGHT have exposed what had happened in Africa, ESPECIALLY what you were doing to Hladini, and why she got sent to her death, (and possibly you may have also had some fear I might tell devotees what you did to me all of the years I served under you); YOUR FEAR and concern that the devotees would not continue to see you as the "supersaint" "pure devotee" and "superguru" that YOU WANTED them to see you as, you've FORCED me to live the RESULTS of YOUR LIES, INCLUDING those you directly told about me to devotees.

You are SO EGOCENTRIC, NARCISSISTIC, DELUDED, besides the other terms I want to say, but can't think of them due to aphasia (resultant from the head injuries I sustained from that physical attack in Kenya. And I might add here, that although you came only a FEW days after that attack, DESPITE the physical injuries (including broken bones) sustained, ALONG WITH THE VERY OBVIOUS effects of brain damage WHICH YOU COULD SEE SINCE I WAS NOT ABLE TO SPEAK PROPERLY, AND HAD LOST SOME OF MY VISION AND HEARING - WHICH I WAS ABLE TO COMMUNICATE TO YOU - and DESPITE my already having given you THOUSANDS of dollars for the preaching programs in Africa, (ALONG WITH your TAKING (STEALING) the $1,500 you had taken from me in Zambia, just a few months prior to that attack), you did NOT send me to ANY doctor.

You are SO possessed of such consciousness that it borders on psychological SICKNESS (if it is not out and out psychological sickness. You are VERY EVIL!, but what is really the SAD part, is that part of your sickness is that you are so easily able to FOOL MOST people into thinking you are what you PRETEND to be and WANT them to THINK you "are".

You yourself directly told me in 1996 your reason(s) for not wanting anyone to know, (that I in your exact words), "should not tell anyone what happened,") was because of your concern about your IMAGE. You said, "I have to KEEP UP AN IMAGE" (your EXACT words), "for the devotees." (And you went on to say, "They are all looking to me to hold this ISKCON movement together." (As IF you're Krsna, God.) Hey brother, WAKE UP!!! Your desire for image is NOT for the devotees; it's for YOU and YOUR (false) ego! And it's ONLY for THAT reason that I am STILL being made to suffer between you LIES about me, and the OTHER things you're keeping hidden to KEEP your "image" "intact!" You were a pretender back then with the devotees, and to this day you are the same, (but WORSE!). You my brother are a SICK man; not only with the cancer, but your cancer of the heart.

Even if you don't want to wake up before either of us leaves the body, I WANT to wake up. (It's about time!) By Srila Prabhupada's mercy, I'm making a GOOD start now, and I HOPE to go a LOT further. I've already suffered LONG enough from your direct abuses; those from when I served under you in Africa, and those from what you've done to me since I got out. I'm sick of the suffering itself, sick of the fact that I've already suffered (SO LONG) and am being made to continue to suffer for YOUR abominations, and sick of what you've done and have been doing to me (including your lies about me to devotees) all these years in your desires to keep YOUR ATROCITIES covered up.

Even if nothing changes, at least I've FINALLY been able to come to this point of telling you what I'm saying here. I've FINALLY become "freed" from the "prison" you've tried to (and did successfully)create, besides other things of this "prison," your making me think that it "my 'karma,'" "my 'due'" to have to suffer for YOUR ABOMINABLE actions. Although I had so much love for you for so long, due to my own personal inherent nature and the (FOOLISH) womanly sentimentality that I got some "extra dose" of), I've FINALLY WOKEN UP!!! - thank Krsna - and becuase of this, I've been able to write this letter as I have to you.

When throwing away garbage - especially when it's been sitting around for a LONG time and has PILED UP, more and more accumulating, and is covered by a lid, with no "air" being allowed to come in or go out - there can be a horrible smell to it, and right now, I am getting rid of, throwing out (off) this garbage you've helped to pile on me. When I say "helped," it means I'm also taking the responsiblity for the fact that I've contributed in this hell; my contribution being my own deficiencies in not being able to stop it, my not being capable of refusing to surrender to accepting your ASININE instructions to me, along with your HORRIBLE ABUSES, and my OWN LACK OF COURAGE in my NOT exposing to the ISKCON world - whether they would listen/accept or not; at least I would have done my part, BG 2.48 - the HORRIFIC things you did. Part of my deficiency in not speaking up as I SHOULD have was due to my own foolish (womanly) sentimentality, my continuing to feel such a sense of sisterly love towards such a HORRIFIC ABUSER (you) who was and still is possessed of such DEMONIC consciousness. I can only attribute this to my own personal weaknesses as the individual I am, and to the frailties I was endowed with of which so many women are possessed of, which seem to be a part of the female body, (and provide the very reason for which the Vedas and Bible enjoin that women are to be protected (NOT exploited and/or abused as you've done).

You my brother have lived these so many years in hypocrisy. Although you preach "love," "leadership responsiblity," "honest relationships," "leaders owning up to their mistakes," "honest dealings," you do NOT PRACTICE what you preach, and INSTEAD, you USE your external "veneer" for your OWN material, egotistic gains. You are NOT a sannyasi - and I'm not referring to your falldown in Africa. (As said above, I do not criticise or feel critical towards someone whose had some problem in following the regulative principles. "Accidents happen even on the royal roads," and Maya is very strong that She can attack even some very great personalities, what to speak of little practitioners like those of us who have come to Srila Prabhupada's Lotus Feet.) I'm talking about your whole INNER consciousness, which you know, and I will not elaborate here since it could go on and on for so many more pages.

If we were to ask you if every Rathayatra you took an airplane you did it only for the pleasure of Lord Jagannath, would you be able to say yes? Or did you go for your OWN material desires - name, distinction, fame, etc. Your having devotees send you so many thousands of dollars you your TELLING THEM you "were desireous of living for THEIR sake," is this factual, or did you ask for and use such money becuase it was YOU who wanted to live for YOUR sake. (Dare I ask more questions that could be asked of you and OTHER ISKCON so-called "leaders" - guru, GBC and othewise? WHY are so many "sannyasis" (SINyasis) SO RICH? (that they live their lives in such COMFORT, INCLUDING their OWNING THEIR OWN houses; YOU included). Anyway, this is not about them, so let's get back to you and me.

In CC Antya 4.46,47 LORD CAITANYA is saying, "Glorious is that devotee who does not give up the shelter of his Lord, and glorious is that Lord who does not abandon His servant. If by chance a servant falls down and goes somewhere else, glorious is that master who captures him and brings him back by the hair." Hey bro, YOU of all people KNOW how I lived ALL those years serving FAITHFULLY under you, the circumstances under which I lived, and continuing to remain faithful in my service despite; my TOLERATING it ALL, and being FULLY surrendered (and submissive) to you. You KNOW the HORRIFIC risky and other situations, along with the SO MANY insanities I ended up in due (ONLY) to YOUR politics along with your other intrigues and the rest, INCLUDING my almost getting KILLED a FEW times in Africa. You ALSO KNOW how I've lived ALL these years (including now) as a renunciate, both in and out of Africa, and under what conditions. All these years BOTH my Deities - Who USED to sit on the altars in the ISKCON temples before we came to you - and I have been FORCED to have to live in the non-devotee world in a HORRIBLE situation, due to YOUR LIES; this particular situation being "CRAZY" for a serious practitioner of Gaudiya Vaisnavism, who continues to follow despite the odds of it all, (including my wearing Vaisnava dress, tilak and keeping a shaved head to this day; the shaved head kept since Srila Prabhupada approved of this when He was present on the planet).

At first after making it out of Africa, I had to live on the street until I could find some place to live. You even STOLE that $1,500 (not including the OTHER money you had stolen earlier and in later years), and the $2000 I had brought in 1987 which you KNEW was SPECIFICALLY to be used ONLY for my Deities. A WEALTHY "sannyasi" STEALING money from a female renunciate whose body got crippled in her service, your STEALING money which you KNEW was for those Deities, AND, your STEALING OTHER money as well from me. And we both remember the case I was SUPPOSED to go back to the US for, but for which you instructed me to STAY in Africa, and give up; a case worth SEVERAL MILLION dollars. Remember what you PROMISED, when I told you the solid reasoning that I SHOULD go back to attend to the case? (But obviously that did NOT matter to you, and I'm sure it STILL does NOT matter at this time.) At least I am possessed of integrity in my renunciation. Can you say the same?

I could go on and on, but I've said enough here. We're both going to die bro; both of our days are numbered in these bodies. I wish for your sake and mine, you would do what a person possessed of human (what to speak of Vaisnava) consciousness would do at this time. Although in the world of men, (including neophyte devotees), someone is praised for obtaining wealth, followers, name, prestige, position, etc., at the expense of abandoning dharma; in the higher realms that person is condemned. For the sake of promoting your name, getting followers and the rest, you got rid of both Hladini and me. At least she was able to die a quick death, your disciples TRYING to protect her, and ending up having to get killed along with her, all of them chanting Hare Krsna together. Somehow, Krsna wanted me to have to live with the type of "killing" you have been putting me through all these years.

If you don't shed this before you leave this body, Krsna may force you to take on another one in this material world. Of course Krsna and His agents are the ultimate judges, so it is for Them to make whatever decision is appropriate according to Their criteria and "figure out" who is due what according to whatever are the "standards" They use. I do know though, that if the truth of what you've done all along was to come out, honest men would condemn you as a criminal, and deal with you as such. Of course Srila Prabhupada is SO MERCIFUL, that despite it all, He may pull you to where He is serving Sri Sri Radha-Krsna and Their associates. I wish though that I could see you do what a REAL Vaisnava would be doing in the bodily situation you're in, so close to leaving it all behind.

You may also want to consider clearing Upananda prabhu's name with the West African devotees from the dirt you put on him, considering the honest service he rendered while under your GBC jurisdiction. It amazes me how you are THAT hard-hearted (IF you even have a heart) that you can do such things to devotees who have served so faithfully under you for so many years.

And just in case someone might consider me "guilty" for "beating a man when he's down," I would reply to them that for SO MANY YEARS I had TRIED SO MANY TIMES throughout ALL THESE YEARS to speak with you directly (according to the dictates of Sastra) about things, but got NOWHERE due to YOUR deceit, etc.; that I TRIED ALL these years to follow the SASTRIC injunctions (and the system set up by the GBC as well) concerning how to deal with such a situation, but got NOWHERE, again due to YOUR (warped) mentality, and the fact that the GBC was so OFF themselves, NOT even following what they themselves had set up as a "ministry" for dealing with such issues. Then I wrote on VNN (not even saying the heavy/really "nasty" things, my still being so foolish, sentimental, along with my not wanting to cause you such public embarrassment by revealing the truth of the really bad things you had done), my thinking that such posting would get you to speak with me, but it didn't. (Instead you posted up your lies.) And, I'm trying to say what NEEDS to be said to you before either of us dies, and there will not be any other chance of being able to say anything anymore to you. I'm trying to communicate with someone who has beaten me MANY times despite my faithful surrender. And, if I don't bring these things up now, while you're alive, someone can "accuse," "Why didn't she say something to BT while he was present?" (So it's one of these damned if you do, damned if you don't situations.)

So my brother, you have it. I've said my peace (finally). I hope you can do with it what is needful.

I pray that Srila Prabhupada will protect you spiritually despite everything you've done.

Mahavegavati Dasi
Hare Krsna

Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2005 13:15:02 -0800 (PST)
From: "Mahavegavati Dasi (ACBSP)" <mvvd1@yahoo.com>
Subject: Final (B) email to you: Jan31
To: btswami@ifast.net, Bhakti-tirtha.Swami@pamho.net


Dear Bhaktitirtha my Godbrother
,
Hare Krsna. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

I'm sending two emails to you: This one, (a "summary") and a longer one (above). Of course I hope you read them, but most likely you may not. Even if you don't, at least I've said what needs to be said:

After all these years, I've finally become "unblocked" from the "fogged over" effects of trauma I was made to undergo while serving under you and the aftermath, that I can NOW openly say to you in full freedom the following. (When I say freedom, I mean freedom from the fear which possessed me, as well as what has been blocked by the effects from trauma, as well as the stupid womanly sentimental mentality which is/was so much a part of my nature.)

All the years I served under you, I was always being subjected to and made a victim of your dishonesty, deceit, duplicity, lies, politics, thievery, and other resultant "intrigues" from your psychological SICKNESS and the HORRIFIC consequences of all of these.

You spiritually "RAPED" me ALL those years and afterwards
; the afterwards being what you TRIED to have done, and the things you DID have done to me resulting from your fear that if I remained alive, I MIGHT possibly tell devotees about your improprieties with Hladini prabhu, (along with your purposely sending her to Liberia and arranging for her to get killed there).

In your endeavors to get rid of me as well, you tried to send me to Liberia with Hladini to get killed along with her, but when I didn't go, you tried to get me killed in Nigeria, and when your trying to have me physically done away with didn't succeed, you successfully annihilated my name in the ISKCON world with your lies, along with telling devotees I "was crazy due to the head injuries she sustained in Africa."

With me you've ALWAYS been DIShonest, ALL the years I served under you, DESPITE my TOTAL surrender, (and SUBMISSIVENESS) along with my tolerance of your abuses and non-stop forgiveness of your ATROCITIES! Included with your dishonesty was your duplicity, manipulation, deceitfullness, controlling over, exploitation and politics which brought such HORRIFIC consequences to me, along with your lies, and thievery DESPITE my already having given you SO MUCH laksmi for the African preaching.

Although Umapati Maharaj NEVER found out why he was having so much trouble in Ivory Coast, I found out what you were telling the African devotees which created the trouble when I left Ivory Coast and went to Nigeria. (By that time Umapati Maharaj had gotten his "rescue" ticket to the US from Kirtanananda.) I also remember the "plan of action" you hatched against the Godbrothers in case the GBC followed through on their resolution in 1988 (or 1989), which you had read to me, concerning their desire to send the various named Godbrothers to "check on things" (you), if they were to send these devotees to come. You were ready to have these Godbrothers BEATEN, and/or KILLED!

I know very well what you did to Hladini prabhu, and how all these years you've been able to keep/have kept it ALL "successfully" covered up/hidden from the devotee world, which is the major reason you pushed me out of ISKCON along with your successful character annihilation of me through your lies to devotees about me, and your direct death threats made to me to TRY to "scare" me into silence; your warning me that I "should not tell anyone about anything that happened," - what YOU did! - and what would happen if I was to say anything to anyone.

(I must say your training in Princeton in psychology, sociology, politics, parapsychology, occultism, etc., has served you SO WELL in your endeavors to accomplish the objectives you wanted. (I'm referring to the HORRIFIC ones.)

In this email I will NOT go into the horrific things you were doing with me; there is no need to since we both KNOW about them, and they are TOO MANY to write here (and TOO traumatic as well).

Sentimental FOOL that I am (and was), I ALWAYS made excuses in my mind (intelligence?) for you and your ATROCITIES. I ALWAYS (IMproperly) "applied" (or forced myself in "applying") the BG 9.30,31 verses to you and your atrocities. I've tried to convince myself that what I was (and am STILL) being made to suffer through you was "due to 'my karma'." (Even you would tell me MANY times, both while I was serving under you and even afterwards, "It's yaw" (meaning "my") "kaama that yaw suf ring under me" - the word "me" referring to you - "What I've done to you is yaw kaama." (I'm writing it here as how you spoke it, how it sounded with your "accent.")

According to you, it was "my 'karma'" that (all these years) I was made to sustain the reactions, (the resultant suffering) from YOUR direct perpertrations against me, as well as the other reactions sustained due to your lies about me to devotees, in your desires to cover up for your improprieties with Hladini prabhu and its results - her getting killed. So it was "my karma" what you consciously chose to do to me while I was serving under you, AND, in your doing to me what you did later in your efforts to keep covered up what happened to Hladini prabhu because of you. (Convenient way of "applying" (TWISTING) the philosophy, which you do along with the OTHER DIShonest people who do the same as you; twisting the philosophy to suit their own MATERIAL objectives for power, position, wealth, name, fame, prestige and the rest.

I'm NOT going to "review" all the times and attempts I made to try to speak with you, etc. It's obvious to me now that Krsna did not want it to happen; that it would NOT have been effective, both because you were (and still are) SO DIShonest, AND, because I was not ready in my consciousness to speak it all out to you, to do/say the necessary, (something which you would NOT have responded to properly anyway). I was too afraid at that time, too much under the influence of FALSE ISKCON indoctrinations, and too much under the extreme effects from the traumatization.

By Krsna's mercy, I've FINALLY, (now - I think fully)WOKEN UP from my delusions. I am no longer making the excuses for you I've been making ALL these years, both while I was serving under you, and these years afterwards.

You are possessed of some very DEEP-rooted DEMONIC consciousness, DESPITE your (extraordinary) ability to fool practically everyone with your sugar coating, (your external veneer), pretensiouness and your sugar-coated words. Many sociopaths are possessed of the same "polish" and ability, including Jeffrey Dahmer.

I believe that you would NOT hesitate - because I've already seen you so many times put it to action - to do what YOU would consider as being "the 'needful'" (in your eyes), no matter how horrible, to accomplish the objectives you want, and that you would do it so "expertly," in such a way that no one would find out.

I felt sisterly love for you all along - despite, and along with the pain I've been made to sustain ALL these years - mainly due to the FOOLISH sentimentality I was possessed of, part of it being due to my own individual inherent personality, and that part of my nature which is quite characteristic in many women's natures. (I think I was given what seems to be an extraordinary "UNbalanced MEGA OVERdose" of this.) But somehow, Krsna has now "UNblocked" what needed to be released, and I'm finally seeing you with clear vision for how you are conditioned, despite the facade you so successfully put on for others.

Certainly I feel badly that you're having to go through this bodily suffering, but I would feel badly for anyone being made to go through suffering; even such horrific entities like Hitler, Stalin or Saddam Hussain. (It's just a part of my nature to feel this way towards other's suffering. I even cry when I see someone step on an ant.) I must admit though, that because Krsna has finally freed me from so much of this "blockage" (delusion), and I'm able to see so much more clearly, I do not feel AS sorry for your having to undergo this physical suffering as much as I was previously feeling, although I DO feel VERY SORRY for you spiritually - that you're still so intensely deluded despite the wonderful (full) opportunities Krsna has given you to attain pure love for Him. (And I might add here, that you certainly have NO feelings of compassion, empathy, whatever, for the bodily and suffering I have been made to go through; a LOT of that suffering, including bodily, having come about due to either my service in Africa, etc., under you, or what you did to me afterwards in your efforts to keep your "skeletons" hidden/covered up.)

Sadly, my Godbrother, I believe your cancer may be a resultant reaction to the tantra you were having done on me since March 6 2004. It's explained that the nature of tantra is such, that it MUST act; that when it doesn't have the "desired" effect upon the person to whom it is sent to harm, because it HAS to act, it will then return and act upon its sender. Is it possible THIS could be the reason for your present condition?

Your servant,
Mahavegavati Dasi
Hare Krsna

Bhakti Tirthas reply to Mahavegavati
Bhaktitirtha punished by Krishna with cancer

Bhakti Tirtha Swami - bogus Sannyasi, Guru, GBC