Broken Hearts

Mahavegavati dasi disciple of Prabhupada

>> From Mahavegavati: "Sadly, after going through so much abuse and the aftermath of ITS GON (Iskcon), I am beginning to wonder about my heart. It USED to be very sweet, but I think it is now bitter-sour. I find myself praying to Srila Prabhupada to help me to turn that now bitter heart, into the heart it USED to be, but I often wonder if it will return to what it once was. Actually, Srila Prabhupada has said in a purport in the CC, (but I have NO idea where it was), that "the heart is like a clay pot, and once broken, it is very difficult to mend," (what to speak of so many times smashed). >>

Dearest Mahavegavatiji,

Hari Bol Spirit Soul, pamho, agt Srila Prabhupada!

I feel very sorry for you that you had to go through all that Iskcon garbage and abuse. Please do not feel bad about your Person. You're more devotee than the most will ever be. For kalpas. Even if your heart had been hurt by so much abuse and the aftermath of ITS GON, it always will be a genuine devotee-heart, because you never gave up your faith in Srila Prabhupada, and that is the only thing which counts. In the mean time we have to struggle and keep going on. You're doing the most proper thing now, exposing ITS GON crooks and helping others to relieve their pain. Srila Prabhupada himself suffered and complained that they had given poison to him. And he said: "My only request is that you do not torture me and put me to death" and they still caused his untimely death, so they can sit in his seat. So if Prabhupada has to endure all of this, than what to speak of us little souls. In the end, when we die, only the hearts genuine affection for Krishna counts and carries us to our next destination - no artificial externals or mental concoction will help.

I can completely understand your situation, because I have gone through similar pains and abuse by bogus ITS GON-Devotees. What holds truth to yourself applies to me as well. Just to show you that you are not alone, here is a short description of my own situation:

I am a German devotee who joined the movement in 1970/71 in Berlin. In 1973, I went to Vrindaban to meet Srila Prabhupada there and later on I was personally initiated by him when he visited Germany. After my service in the Hare-Krishna Centres of Germany, I later on went abroad for 20 years or so, doing service in Vrindaban, Mayapur, Hyderabad, Bombay, Calcutta and many other Indian temples, also travelling all over India and Nepal. I also had been one of the drivers of the Hansadutta World Travelling Sankirtan Party, driving buses from Germany to India, and driving with them all over India up to Himachal Pradesh. I also preached in Sri Lanka, Philippines (6 Years), Singapore (3 years printing books), Malaysia (2 years or so), Hongkong, London, Ireland and different other temples etc. Actually you could say, I am a international devotee. And as you can imagine I have seen and experienced quite a lot, and from 1977 onwards a lot of shit too, to say it plainly.

In 1991 I visited Vrindaban where I was shot with a shotgun at the banks of the yamuna-river. If Iskcon has something to do with it, we can not say. Who knows? It looked like a daylight robbery of Indian crooks in which they stole my handbag, camera and money. After struggling with them (five Indian gundas, who attacked me) I tried to get back my handbag, but I was shot point blank, from tree feet distance, by one of them. I was hit in the right side, arm and chest. After I fell to the ground bleeding all over, they just run away, and that was it. I somehow managed to get up again and stumbled to the main road, bleeding all over, and got a scooter to drive me to the Mathura Hospital. I was hit with about 70 bullets in my right side, I mean little pellets from a self made Indian shotgun. Luckily I did not get anything in my stomach, otherwise I would be dead now. Back in Germany I got some operations, but still have 23 pellets left in my body. They could not be operated out, because they where to deep. So I am still running around with them now.

I had been banned, beaten, knifed, shot at and thrown out of different temples by force, and in the Phillipines a fanatic Hansadutta follower (Ripughna) tried to kill me with a big bush-knife for preaching against his so-called guru. I barely escaped with life. Ripughna chased me out of the temple, running after me, madly wilding a bush-knife (Bolo), myself escaping to the main road, flagging down a car which brought me to Cebu-City where I was hiding in a guest house for three days.

Yes I am fighting these bogus Iskcon GBC/Guru rakshasas and fanatic devotees already since 1977right after Prabhupadas disappearance, which I also witnessed. They hardly could wait for Prabhupadas natural death and perhaps helped a little with arsenic poisoning, just to grab for immediate power and control. Right afterwards they forced me to put flowers to their stinky feet in a simultaneous gurupuja saying that I have no more relationship with Srila Prabhupad since He died. They physically hindered me in my direct approach to Prabhupadas Vyasasana. They said that my only connection to Prabhupada is through them and their worship first. So they physically forced and pushed me to first worship the eleven vyasasanas (occupied with living imitators) before I was allowed to approach Prabhupadas. How audacious, what pigs, I hate them for this. Their 23 year reign of terror hopefully ends with the Turley case which I see as Krishnas arrangement. I hope Mr. Turley initiates a follow-up case, in which I can partake myself.

When I joined the movement, I was taught by Prabhupada to see all of my god-sisters as mothers. That was a nice arrangement, because Mothers, who bring up the children are automatically respected and loved. Similarly, as you state, women where thought to see the male devotees as their sons, brothers and fathers, depending upon the service relationship. However, when Srila Prabhupada left and Iskcons bogus successor gurus took over the movement, things changed a bit for the worst. Since most of the new leader are heavy homosexual paedophiles, a whole molester nest was created over the years, in which our children and mothers where systematically degraded and abused.

Since I personally have seen, experienced and witnessed these degradations over time, I can say that even today most of Iskcons leading devotees are heavy women-hater, and sadly I have to admit this as a man. How can you expect Iskcons homosexual paedophiles, with Rakshasa mentality and uncontrolled genitals, to respect woman if they desire to rape children and suck their genitals??? Isnt it like telling pigs not to eat stool anymore. Try to tell them and see how they react.

This homosexual mentality amongst our whole Iskcon leadership has perverted everything and purity is lost. So without purity it has become normal for Iskcons Rakshasa Leaders to systematically abuse our women and mothers and have our children raped. They even dovetailed their perverted activities with our spotless philosophy.

These GBC-perverts even preach, that Iskcons Homo-Leaders are Krishna's guru successor, links in a chain of pure devotees like Jesus and are assistants of the gopies. It is disgusting. They really deserve shoes in their faces.

They openly preach bogus philosophy, such as the "current link philosophy", in support of "voted in successor acharyas", with a "less then liberated guru thesis" and a "minimum qualification theory", for adapting their "homosexual paedophile guru lineage" of conditioned souls into the pure guru-parampara.

How can you preach to them to respect women if they preach such nonsense and behave like rascals, pigs and demons with homo mentality. NO, they should be openly exposed, brought to court and be put to jail. I do not want to curse them, but since these rascals talk about the bad karma of kids, I pray that the same karma returns to them and gives them a jail sentence of 23 years at least. This would be real justice and karma.

Iskcons second generation of leading devotees is even worst. Brainwashed by the GBCs bogus philosophy and indoctrinated to be butt-kissers" of the old regime, they even dare to openly criticise Srila Prabhupada. They often behave like zombies and robots, without any substance in their brains and without feelings in their heart.

Even the so called Karmis show more feelings and emotions in their dealings with each other. I thought we are practising Bhakti-Yoga, the yoga of love and devotion and emotion. In all of my life I have never seen so many artificial and dead zombied-out people like in Iskcon, perverted and emotionally crippled, full of inferiority complexes, guilt feelings, and not even knowing how to relate to each other. And then they talk about Bhakti - unbelievable. 99% urgently need to consult a psychiatrist and the other half belongs into a mental institution. That is the reality. Iskcons so-called present-day hangout temple-devotees live in a great hallucination. Yes: imagination and conceit is also some type of education. Many Iskcon devotees adopt artificial vaisnava-identities - or as Bhaktivinoda says: kali-chelas - and they deceive themselves and others. They are just hypocrites. And Iskcon has lots of them. Yes, you are right: the problem is that NONE of these people are honest, and they want to uphold some IMAGE, rather than be real humble people who are struggling and striving like so many other people, to develop their Krsna consciousness. THE MAJOR problem in ITS GON is the pretentiousness and conceit of the devotees, starting from the leaders: yad yad acarati sresthas... down to the ordinary devotee: trinad api sunicena... They are trying to live up to some false image of a great "pure devotee" and other devotees are also trying to live in some false image of themselves as being so "advanced". Thus, because so many people are being FALSE about where they REALLY are at, there are so many problems. So discrimination and common sense is always needed to understand who is who.

My personal bad experience with Isk cons bogus successor-gurus has similarly affected my soul. I USED to be a nice innocent devotee, like your good self, but going through that hell of mad guru-successor area, after Prabhupadas disappearance, that has somewhat changed me too. I also lost so many of what were good qualities, and I know already that I will not recover in this life. My heart was like a beautiful vase, smashed to the ground, the pieces put up again and glued together, and here I am again, broken and scars all over, trying to go on. I think there are many devotees with broken hearts, which turned from sweet to now bitter-sour and sarcastic like in my own case. Yes I also have witnessed how they broke the hearts of gurukul-children. That is why I understand them. And some have committed suicide, because of broken hearts. So, we are still alive, and the Turley court case is Krishnas arrangement just for relieving the pain caused by all those Iskcon crooks, religious propagandist, disguised in the garb of so called devotees. That is also why I personally have requested Mr. Turley for a follow-up case, so that devotees like us can get some justice too.

Now I am staying alone by my self, here in Germany, working in a karmi Job just to support my self. Yes it is hard and sometimes I am lonely, but I thought this is better than to associate with German imbecile devotees worshipping Hurrycash. Here in Germany there is absolutely no one who agrees with me. German devotees are the worst ones in the whole world. I am very sorry, they all worship these Iskcon faggot gurus with their perverted philosophy that homosex-gurus are servants of Radharani in the disciplic succession of Prabhupada. What an offence, what perverts and idiots - I am so sorry- I do not want such association and decided to live by my own. I hate Germans, they are unbelievably stupid. Even my so-called own German godbrothers still worship these fu**ing Iskcon asshole GBCs. So thats why I am alone. Of course, without proper association and working in a karmi job for paying the rent of my flat, my spiritual sadhana decreased accordingly. So I am not that devotee anymore that I used to be. Despite my present fallen condition, I still prefer that, than to associate with all those artificial German Iskcon Zombies, who sell out to their demon masters - no never ever, sorry - No more hypocrites, no more artificial devotees, no more artificial Isk con. No more artificial association. I rather remain a fallen stray backyard dog, and remain truthful to my own self.

Yes, you are quite right: it is all SO CRAZY. Speak the truth, and these demons try to kill you. And their followers are either just as crazy or WORSE. Blankety-blank fanatics. After being in ITS GON for so long, and going through all the GARBAGE I have been through, it is VERY DIFFICULT to NOT put vulgar language on my tongue when thinking or referring to these demons. They are just SUCH CREEPS. The blind lead the blind and they all fall into the ditch. Such a crazy situation. One which one can cry over, and at the same time, "laugh" as well. It is NOT funny, but it is such a sad case, and almost SO ridiculous that it should have happened, that one can practically laugh as well. It might be hard to believe, but it is true, as the Turley case confirms.

That I am still alive and half ways normal after all those years, and that I did not end up in the mental hospital is really Prabhupadas causeless mercy on me. So what remains now is some type of disappointment, resentment and bitter feelings too :-( I hope that the defendants in Mr. Turleys case will get some jail sentences :-) and not just let off with some money fine.

Your Godbrother,
Urdhvaga das

Chant Hare Krishna and be happy!
All glories to His Divine Grace A.C.Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada!