Satsvarupa's original Nectar Writings
"Here is Srila Prabhupada"

Dear Prabhus, Please accept my obeisances. All Glories to Srila Prabhupada.
I am including a series of excerpts and quotes from a book by SDG [SDD] titled "Here is Srila Prabhupada".
As you will see from some of these statements, this is a perrfect example of what happens when one deviates from the order of the spiritual master.
Please feel free to to offer any comments or observations after the citations. SDG Writings Here is Srila Prabhupada 1991

Satsvarupa dasa
suffering wretch


“ So here I am, beginning another book about Prabhupada with a feeling of regret. Prabhupada should be the center of my life, but I continue to take his place…”   August 16, 1991 Page 2, Week One from here is Srila Prabhupada.

“ A few years ago I asked Narayana Maharaja what he thought…Narayana maharaja encouraged me…” August 7, 1991


…” There is a danger of creating an illusory Prabhupada. It is all too easy to worship malleable Prabhupada, one who changes his orders to suit our own needs and deviations?…” August 7, 1991


“Occasionally I look at a random paragraph about Prabhupada in one of my own published books. Sometimes it looks wrong. Not quite wrong, but too colored for my own view of Prabhupada. I always regret seeing those things in print…” August 8, 1991


“ Earlier in the dream, I was talking either with Srila Prabhupada or with devotees…I think my envy was manifesting in the dream when I was glad to see that the person being massaged was no longer Prabhupada….” Page 22, August 9, 1991


“… What if the disciple is not completely spiritual? Or the guru for that matter?…”


“… We read Krsna Book while the fire burned down in the fireplace. I confessed I battle constantly with doubts that Krsna-lila is mythological…” August 10, 1991


“…Thousands of devotees who never had much personal exchange with Prabhupada felt relief, when after his disappearance, there were no more secretaries to keep them out of his rooms or presence….”   “My relationship with Srila Prabhupada is lifelong and solid, yet I still struggle with it, juts as I struggle with my doubts about the Krsna Book stories. Although I am convinced that I love Prabhupada, I still confuse him with the “authority figure” who forced me into the US navy and who thought that writing poetry was for sissies. 


“… I am more afraid of my own possible deviations-seeing him as an ordinary man, minimizing him in some abstract way, not reading his books, leaving his movement-than I am of Prabhupada…” page 76


“ Sometimes I imagine Prabhupada has come back for only one day and he has agreed to see me.  Imagine inviting him to a secluded place in Ireland…” page 108


“Now Prabhupada is arriving, he pulls up in a big comfortable BMW…As I offer the arati articles, I feel rushes of emotion. Srila Prabhupada doesn’t have to read my mind; just by standing before him my activities since his disappearance – my attempt to become a guru and some of the excesses of that, my reading in Christian saints, my publishing my own books, my seeking lonely places, my hurts. He also sees my desire to serve him…” page 111


“… He cites prema-dhvani prayers and mangala-carana prayers “ My dear boys and girls…He says that these young Irish devotees are also his disciples as long as they follow …He refers to corruption that has occurred in ISKCON since his disappearance. The references are indirect but we feel the weight of them…” page 112


“ Should I ask him something as I used to? Is this the time to do it? Or should I wait?  Remember Srila Prabhupada probably knows all about ISKCON. He didn’t come today to learn basic news but more to hear how you Satsvarupa das Goswami.  … Page 116


“…Why do I aspire something more when I can’t even practice the preliminary stages? Can I ask questions of Narayana Maharaja when you’re not here? What do you want me to do?..” page 117


“After your disappearance I went along with the guru worship which our society now deems as a period of abuse to devotees and minimizing the central position of your Divine Grace. It would have taken great conviction of purpose to keep a humble course in defiance in those years, and I didn’t have such strong conviction to stand alone…” August 14, 1991 page 118


“… I stopped yesterday’s meditations when I got to the point of asking Srila Prabhupada questions. Again I don’t think I can fill in Prabhupada words in this imaginary dialogue” page 120


“…All things considered I want to please him and serve his purposes. I’m doing it to some degree behaving according to sannyasa dharma, writing books for those I initiate in his name…but I know I could do a lot better…” page 122


“…Even when he is here my rounds are not attentive. If he could teach us, by magic or blessing how to read his books once and for all… Should I ask about svarupa-siddhi and rasa?  No, it’s premature.  The origin of the living entity? He already told us…. he can see in my face that I didn’t turn out to be lie a pure devotee. .   Page 126


“… While he speaks and drifts off, we are there with him. Now I am satisfied. Whatever problems I haven’t yet resolved in terms of how to get rid of anarthas and excess baggage and the vain glory of thinking myself special devotee – I know it will all work out in my remaining days…” page 130


“ Tonight we read of Abhay’s initiation. I defend the Lilamrta’s presentation which only hints at the fact that Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura recognized Srila Prabhupa as an eternal great pure devotee even in the early years of Abhay’s household life…” page 134


“If the world leaders are not praising Srila Prabhupada and the authorized parampara, the “stand-ins” like me will have to do unto the world discovers that this the real responsibility of writers and readers.”  Page 139


“...Srila Prabhupada –you have to read his books to know him. Otherwise it is a bluff.” I love Prabhupada and I talk about him”.  Moment to moment, his association is available. Why don’t you take it? What are the objections?

He’s too repetitious.”

“It’s too philosophical.”

“My mind is too scattered.”

“I’m not serious enough, what can I do?”   Page 144


“…Shortly before the disappearance of his guru, Abhay wrote him a letter…” page 164

“… Gaudiya matha sannyasis moving into rooms rented from Abhay…”p 165


“Similarly if I want to compose Here is Srila Prabhupada, the I must keep my home base in ISKCON at Prabhupada’s lotus feet. “Don’t leave,” Prabhupada requested.  Stay in the fellowship of devotees.”  Page 171


“…One barrier is the resistance I have built up against reading his books. It’s just a bad habit…” page 176


“… Even as a businessman Abhay was spirited…”

“… Abhay went to their offices…”

“… When Abhay tried to start his own factory…”


“… It’s pleasing to see Srila Prabhupada in public like this, retaining his devotional composure …” page 183


“… Srila Prabhupada’s movement is one of self-sacrifice and the following of authority-

the previous acaryas, the sastra, and the present leaders…”???? Page 185


“…In his letter to Gandhi, Abhay called himself, “Your unknown friend...” Page 191


“…He wrote to all the leading politicians and to anyone who would listen. In one sense, the letters had little effect. But one effect it did have it did was to enable Prabhupada to focus all his energies as a preacher…” page 193


“…It’s embarrassing. What use is my attraction to truthfulness if all I can do is admit my anarthas, especially the anartha called pramada, inattentive chanting...” page 196


“…If I can overcome my lack of appreciation for the poetic metaphors the acaryas have used to describe Krsna’s beauty, then I too will one day appreciate seeing Krsna returning home after a day on Govardhana hill...” page 202


”… Also beauty is always incomplete until it is engaged in Krsna’s service. Krsna says that he is the strength of man when the man is “devoid of passion.”  We may become affected by the first “shock wave” when we see a woman “dressed to kill”   But on second glance, we are not interested in becoming entrapped by her physical features….”  Page 204


“I used top feel more the conflict between trying to be his disciples and trying to be guru.  That was because there were excesses in the way we received grand worship befitting only Srila Prabhupada. I sometimes saw him as my rival. Still, I sometimes feel a tinge of jealousy when one of my disciples speaks on and on about all the realizations he is getting from his direct relationship with Srila Prabhupada.  In the old days (1978-1986) we used to tell them, “Don’t jump over your spiritual master. You cannot have a direct relationship with Srila Prabhupada. You have to go through us.”  Now I encourage the differently, Srila Prabhupada…” page 211


“…And I always feel betrayed when someone decides to make a clean break with Krsna consciousness. So I think, “Why bother? Why be betrayed in the end by such a high percentage of those I accept for initiation?  But I keep doing it, Srila Prabhupada, out of my desire to serve you.   Despite the argument, by those who say that us nobodies can’t be gurus, ISKCON is committed to continuing the parampara of diksa-gurus. It appears that this is supported by guru, sastra, and sadhu.    We just have to somehow come up with the right attitude when doing it….”page 211


“…  I can’t even imagine giving up the responsibility I owe to those I have already initiated. I took those disciples on behalf of ISKCON, as a servant of the movement. It keeps me in the camp. There are advantages to taking disciples, although these same advantages can become curses if they are not treated the same way.  The guru is the representative of Krsna to his disciples. Therefore they want to please him and they do this by offering service and money.  



“…Srila Prabhupada, it didn’t work when I tried to imitate you, when I tried to be for my disciples what you were for me in 1966. Now I’ve adjusted myself within the general reform in ISKCON. I also tried to bring about that reform. I now try to strike the profile of servant and friend to my disciples.” page 212


“…I must search and learn – more microscopic honesty. So that you can see the difference between Prabhupada’s actual presence and my literary game…” page 236


“…He also teaches us to be patient with the dryness that comes due to all of our offenses…”   page 252


“ …He was dangerously old and not in strong health.. in America it would be different…” page 258


“… Madhu closed the book and looked up beaming,” That’s fabulous!”  Ganga dasa was smiling too. The best story, the very real and human story of Srila Prabhupada” page 259


“… He explains that we should never have deviated in any way.  Did he ever deviate from the orders of his guru maharaja? Never. Why do we?  The instructions are clear. Deviation means we are foolish rascals with desires other than service to guru. He means me. …”  Page 261


  ys yasoda nandana dasa